One Month Down

I've been waiting to write this when it was "the right time" or when it got "easier" to but then I realized, this will never get any easier..

My Auntie is one of the greatest people I know. She shared with me her love for friends, relationships, animals, a good book, the ocean, cooking, picture taking, memory making, scrap booking, and a million other things that mattered. She loved to feel.

I always felt like her daughter. We look alike! We've gone through LOTS of the same things. We each have a high school sweetheart named Danny, we both had a form of Lymphoma 💚💜 we've been bald & gone through chemo around the same age. We have similarities.. We have always wanted a farm. We LOVE the ocean more than words. 🌊 Lance Bass is our favorite Nsync member. Quotes and sayings are life. Music is good for the soul. We always believed you're only as happy as you let yourself be. And only you are in charge of that happiness.

There are a few things I can no longer do without losing it completely. I can't listen to the song 'Senorita' by Shawn Mendes or 'Shallow' by Lady Gaga let alone watch the movie A Star Is Born. 'Fill Me In' by Craig David (that was our song) still stops my breath but is becoming more tolerable.

The happy things.. Charlie has your middle name and initials CJ! ❤ The movie "Shag" brings a smile to my face. Whenever I am at the beach, I think of you. That monarch butterfly is always you 🦋 I hope she knows how much I love her! I will forever cherish the memories I was so lucky to make with her. She will always be in my heart. And for the rest of my life I will search for moments of you.

The regrets I have are small and will leave with time.. The last picture I took on my phone was supposed to go to her but never got sent. I had the feeling to call that weekend, but forgot and didn't. I recently watched A Star Is Born, one of her favs, but never got to talk to her about it.

I think the message being, if you think of someone or miss them.. send the text, make the call, the email, the snap, the dm. Tell them. Because life is TOO short! ❤

Please zoom in to read & please share her freaking awesome obituary she wrote. YOU'RE MY HERO! 💚

I'm heaven sent, don't you dare forget.

Everything starts tomorrow.. I feel like tomorrow I will start a new life. A different life. I am not quite sure how different it's going to be. I hope it is a life I love and admire, which I am sure it will be. I hope on the days I am not feeling my best I remember how lucky and strong I am. I hope I can stay positive and happy through the hard times. The last thing I want is to be upset, sad, and angry. I know I will have my good and bad days. But on those bad days, no matter what, I need to stay positive. I can't let this get the best of me. That is how I will lose this battle. I can't wait to overcome this disease. I can't wait to hear the doctor's say, "You've beat this! You have overcome this! You are healthy!" One day I hope to hear this amazing news! My life has changed so drastically this past month I can hardly believe it. I am lucky to have found out sooner rather than later. Being so young you'd think I'd be weak. But that isn't the case. Maybe it's my attitude toward all of this news, i'm not sure. I am just thankful to be happy and loved. Everyday there is at least one thing to smile about. I have a million things to smile about! That is what I will remember. I'm ready for tomorrow and anything else that heads my way.. Bring it on!