Dear readers

I am finished with chemotherapy as of now. I have my petscan on the 24th. The results of the petscan will then tell me whether or not I am in remission. I have a feeling that I already am in remission. But I am very anxious to see the results. My next appointment with Dr. Hansen is April 7. I can't wait to see what he says, and what the next step will be. My portacath has been bugging me. It has moved, most likely over a nerve. So hopefully I will be getting it out so I am able to use my left arm. I will keep you all updated. Thanks for reading.
Love always, Kristin

one more thing to add to the list

Roughly a month ago I had my pet scan. You know the one that showed the terrific news about my cancer cells shrinking. Well there was something else that showed up on that scan as well.. I've been told it's "not that big of a deal" and "not to worry about it".. but hello, I am miss anxiety! How can I not. The reason I am even blogging about this is because lately it's been a concern of mine. They found a cyst on my left ovary and lately it's been giving me a lot of pain. This is something I brought up with Dr. Hansen as soon as I found out. He told me that once chemotherapy is over we will look more into it, unless it is giving me pain now, which at the time I was having little pain and always wondered what it was and now it makes total sense. Well now that it is giving me more frequent pain I am thinking I should tell him so he can tell me what he thinks we should do. I hate being the paranoid patient but why shouldn't I be. I want my body as healthy as possible. Like I said it's probably nothing but I worry, back to I worry about having children. I feel like sometimes life is giving me every doubt that I will not be able to get pregnant. This has a lot to do with my anxiety. I am a firm believer in thoughts become things so I hate thinking negative things but honestly I can't help it. I've tried. I've thought about this all day and it hasn't left my mind. Now that I am blogging about it I'm hoping it will leave my mind so I can actually take a break and get some rest. I can't wait to talk to Dr. Hansen for some advice on what the hell is going on in my body. Like I said, he always eases my mind.

Ask. Believe. Receive.

Yesterday I met with Dr. Varela, who is my surgeon. He wanted to take a look at how my scars were healing. He said that everything was looking really good. The next time I will see him is when my portacath is ready to come out.

Next I met with a girl named Megan. She is the patient navigator for the American Cancer Society. To me it looks like she has such a fun interesting job. I walk in and meet her, she is so cute and friendly. She hands me this gift basket with a blanket, water bottle, candy, tooth brush, toothpaste, and a book. She tells me that all this stuff was donated. Almost right then and there I lost it. I couldn't help but think how selfish I am. Here is this adorable little gift basket from someone I don't know. That basket made me so happy. Here I am worry about a new case for my phone that is freaking $30. When I could be donating or buying something for someone who deserves it. I will never forget how that made me feel and how much it changed my life. I never would of thought to donate to the American Cancer Society. I know I am only human. But I can't help and think that this is why I am going through something like this. Day by day it is opening my eyes to so many great things. I was telling this to my dad, about how grateful I was for that and he replied, "remember all those Christmas' I told you guys we were just going to donate all the money for Christmas that we have and you and your sister threw a fit.." I told him, "Your totally right. How selfish of me." I cannot wait until my journey is over and I am financially stable again so I can donate as much as I can. After she gave me that gift basket we tried on some wigs. And after trying on a bunch I finally found my favorite one! I will post some pictures soon of it. It's really similar to how my hair is cut now. Short and simple is what I wanted. She also let me pick out a few cute scarves. They are adorable. She showed me a bunch of ways I can tie them and wear them. She was so much help. Here I am getting all this stuff for free. (even my wig was free) and I know how expensive they are. I just feel so grateful. And loved. God bless all those people that made it possible for me to have all these things. I am so happy.

Alright, now to my favorite part.. Chemotherapy! I love Dr. Hansen and all his nurses. Everyone is so sweet and if it wasn't for them I am not sure I would be able to go into that office happy. I get my chemo in this room with all the other patients that are there for the same reason. I am going to describe it as like a little party. A little gathering. I absolutely love it. I kinda wish I had to go everyday! There is no one there my age everyone is at least 50+ and I think that is what I love about it most. I love old people, listening to all their stories about hunting and the careers they used to have. They just about talk your ear off. I was sitting in my comfy chair waiting for the nurse to come hook me up, when an old man came in and sat to the chair next to me, he said, "You're way too young to be in here" It kinda made me smile. There was this other old man that just thought my mom was gorgeous, which she is. It was so cute! It makes me happy that I am not the only one going through this at the time. But it also breaks my heart because every one of those chairs was taken up and there were people waiting in the lobby for seats to become available. And this is just at one hospital. I can't believe how many people have cancer. It breaks my heart. I can't stand of the thought. I love being in there because I feel safe and taken care of. I love seeing all the cute old lady's wigs and how they give me advice and I love listening to their stories. I forgot to mention that my chemo takes about 2-3 hours. So I am there for quite some time. Your family and friends are allowed to come in and stay with you. They have candy and this sweet lady yesterday brought in cookies. Sorry I keep rambling. It is just something about all those people that I have a connection to. I love them and wish them the best.

I am so thankful for everything I have been given. I feel so lucky to be where I am at. There is no other part of life I'd rather be living. I am so thankful for everyone that has donated money into my Cancer fund. Thank you, thank you! I am truly blessed.

Xoxox

This whole experience is life changing. There are so many things that I take for granted. Things I complain about that really do not even matter. This experience is making me realize so much. It's kind of what I needed.

I met my Oncologist yesterday, he is this cute sweet old man. That I already adore. He was so reassuring. Right now he is thinking my condition is Hodgkin's lymphoma. They will not be 100% sure until Tuesday. Tuesday my surgeon Victor, he is a cute young doctor, that I love.. Tuesday I will go in for surgery so they can do a biopsy. They will be taking a little bit of tissue from my lymph node so they can test it and be exactly sure what it is. Also they will be inserting a port-a-cath for my chemo. Which is nice so I won't have to go through two surgery's. (: It makes it so nice when you have great Doctor's that you love and are positive they know what they are doing. I feel that I am in good hands. I am very anxious, almost excited to get this going. I am 100% ready to be on the road to recovery.

My cute little Danny.. Tuesday when we found out that I have cancer, right when we got home he asked me, "Do you want me to bring the big TV in our room with the DVR?" and I was like, "Yes!" So he moves everything in there for me. We both love it even though we are more lazy and our living room is so plain. Ha! Also I have been wanting a snuggie FOREVER, everytime I see one I want it but Danny somehow always talks me out of it! And the other day Danny was like, lets go get you a present. Wasn't sure what he was meaning but he said yeah lets go get you a snuggie! So cute! It is just the little things that he does that makes me so happy! He is my rock. My family has been freaking out, which is fine because they have every right to. But when people freak out and worry.. It makes me worry. But Danny is so sure and so positive. It is good that when I am home, he makes everything feel better and I am back to my positivity. My family is great though. Very supportive. Same with all my friends. All I really need is support. My family is spoiling me, and I am not hating it (: It's nice not having to worry about making dinner. Every night this week me and danny are over at someone's house eating. It's nice! I told Danny last night, "I didn't know so many people liked me" Ha that might be a horrible thing to say but it is nice to have people contacting me and letting me know. I feel so lucky.

Yesterday I had to go into my work and break the news to my boss. I wasn't quite sure how he would react to the news. Me and my parents went in and told him. Lets just say that I have never seen that side of him. He was so shocked and sad. And it made me sad. But it made me happy to know how much he cares and how much he was going to work with me. It was a relief. I love my job! I am just a waitress at a restraunt. But I love it. Mostly because of all the people. I do not think there is one person there that I do not love. They are all so supportive and caring. They mean so much to me. I don't know what I would do without all of them. They are amazing people.

I feel like there are a lot of things I want to do. So many things, but so little time! I can't fit everything in. It's mind blowing. Because if it wasn't for that swollen little lymphnode. I still today would have no idea. I mean I feel normal. I feel great. It is crazy how your body is. You just never know!

I just want to thank all of you for your support and love. It means so much to me. I would never be able to go through this without any of you. I will try to update my blog everyday! To keep you all posted on what is happening. It is alot easier for me to put everything here. My thoughts, my emotions, my stories!

Xoxox