Happy Birthday, Kristin Brooke Correa

I am now 20 years old and it feels great. I was nervous about turning twenty but I think this year is easily going to be the best year of my life. It's exciting knowing this. I feel calm and at ease with whatever comes my way. I've never felt this sense of calm. My whole life I've been overcome by anxiety of things that I will never hold the power to. I've tried to take control of too many situations and I've exhausted myself in the process. I am fed up with that state of mind I've been living in the past 20 years. It's time for things to change drastically, and they already have. I honestly can't explain what has gotten me to this point but to be honest, it feels amazing. Enough with that. Valentine's Day was yesterday. I LOVE Valentine's Day! I think it has a point, I notice a lot of people always hating it or thinking it is stupid. Why do we need a day to remember love and to do something nice for our loved one, shouldn't that be every day? I think we should consider this everyday and treat everyday like it's Valentine's Day but we are human and we don't, leaving Valentine's Day special and romantic. We are busy and sometimes don't give our loved ones the time they really deserve. That is why Valentine's Day is necessary. For all of you who HATE Valentine's Day and think it is unnecessary, or dumb, "realizing I'm single day." You are wrong. That is a reason you are probably still single. You obviously aren't happy with yourself. You think you are mature for love, but you are not. What ever happened to being happy for others and realizing that your day might come too when you can enjoy Valentines Day with your lover. Once you have someone are you still going to hate Valentines Day? I highly doubt it. So in conclusion, be happy for others in love. As we all know, it's not easy. Be happy for those who have worked hard for something they have. Have hope and know that one day it will happen for you too. There is no rush to fall in love. When the time is right you will have it. I was a little taken back with people's negative posts on FB. Again, FB.. I should seriously delete it but I find it a great way for communication, in a way. I am not very confrontational that is why I post something here and not there, because I feel safer here. Now on to my birthday and my Valentine's Day. I love that Danny says, "it's your birthday before Valentine's Day. It makes me feel special. I am literally his Valentine. My birthday started off as any regular day, D and I got up sorta early but slept in a little. I was craving McDonalds breakfast so he went and got us that. After we ate we got ready for the day and had some errands we needed to run. First we went to Petsmart to buy things for my bunnies, then we went to Home Depot for some things for the house. After that we drove down to Salt Lake to meet the guy with my baby bunnies, he was so cute and nice and I enjoyed talking to him. Oh on the way chemo kicked back in and I got sick :/ When we arrived home with them we were in such awe we didn't know what to do. First of all they are tiny! Little little. They were so much littler that we thought, they are also so soft and furry. They look fake. It's really amazing to hold something that small and cute. We let them jump around the backyard until one of them jumped through the fence into the neighbors yard, luckily we got it before anything worse could happen. That was the scariest moment ever, we live on a busy street and they are very fast for how little they are, anything could have happened. So my day was going great other than being sick the rest of the day. Danny got me OTH season 6&7 and my bunnies. I had a great birthday. For dinner I decided I wanted to BBQ because it was SO nice and you don't get to do that often in Utah especially in February on my birthday, I've always wanted a summer birthday. Danny made him and I bacon cheese burgers, with bbq sauce. They were so yummy! We sat outside our backyard and ate and I asked him, "How many other couples do you think are eating hamburgers in their backyard? Usually on V-day you want to be all dressed up and go out to eat somewhere expensive." He agreed and we laughed. But honestly, there is nothing I would have wanted to do more. I was so happy just to be with him. We don't have to do anything too expensive or out of the ordinary. I was just happy to be with him and spend time with him. After dinner the doorbell rang. Danny went to get it while I cleaned up. He came in with a box from UPS, it was addressed to me, I was thinking cool, maybe it's my OTH. I asked him what it was and he wasn't sure but he had a huge grin on his face. I kept saying OTH can't be that big. When he finally got it open I saw a dozen red roses, a box of chocolates, and some lavender bath soap. I was so excited and surprised  I kept asking who it was from. I got the card out and read the name at the bottom and it was from Danny. I looked at him smiling and in disbelief, I probably hurt his feelings. I've mentioned before that  he is not the most thoughtful person. So I was very taken back and excited that he actually did something for my birthday. I kept telling him thank you and how much I loved what he did. Here I was after dinner thinking I had already got my presents and my birthday was coming to an end and these show up. I am so hard to surprise because I am up in every one's business. But he did it. He surprised me for the first time in my life. I was the happiest girl in that moment. I love you DFM. Thank you for making me feel special every day. I had the best birthday and Valentine's Day ever. One thing I have been really considering doing is now that I am 20, I want to try not to consume any alcohol until I am 21. I think this would be a great challenge and worth doing. Also very hard because I have not drank for awhile now since I was diagnosed. I will be in remission in a month and at my cancer free party, I will be tempted. I want to use my self control. If I have any. I hate giving up on things so I think I am going to try and stick with it no matter what. My 21 experience will be something fun worth remembering. Who knows, I might not miss it at all and I will realize that. Best wishes to me. 

I surrender

On my "30 days of me" 
I am bored of it. 
So I am not going to finish the rest.
Hope you don't mind.

My purse.

In my Communications class in high school, my teacher picked me to empty my purse and go through everything I had inside of it. I carry everything around with me, which is why she picked me to do this is because I had so much stuff in there. Very personal things I might add. Anyway after she went through everything, my class had to describe me by just the stuff that was in my purse. I was nervous for this because I thought some might say some hurtful things luckily no one did and everyone was really nice. I loved this class and I will always remember the awesome lessons Mrs. Thompson taught us.
What I carry around with me all the time:
Gum
An Umbrella
Pens
My phone
My quote book
A book I am reading
Midol
Tylenol
My numbing cream
A water bottle
Bobby pins
A lighter
My wallet
Money
There are a lot more, these are just a few things.

d a y t w e n t y f i v e

For a million dollars would you..

I found this off someone's blog and loved it because I always ask others this all the time. 
Thought it would be fun for you guys to do as well, so feel free to steal. Be sure to let me know if you do so I can find out more about you. (:
Eat liver and onions? Yuck, but yes.
Let someone punch you in the face? Yes
Have your life end 6 months before it's really supposed to? Hmm, no.
Give up music for the rest of your life? Never.
Date someone the same sex as you? Probably not.
Eat snake for dinner? Yuck again but yes.
Not shower for a year? If I could sponge bathe. (:
Never eat your favorite food again? Sadly, yes.
Give up the internet for 10 years? Yes.
Kill a cow and eat it for dinner? Never.
Punch your grandma in the face? If she would let me. She would definitely get some money too ha 
Dance naked in front of your family? Yes. ha
You eat someone else's boogers? Ugh, yes ha
Never read a book again? No way.
Never eat meat again? I've tried and it's hard but for a million, yes.
Give your pets away? Never.
Give up television for the rest of your life? Yes.
Shave your head? Apparently I'll do it for free (: 
Live the rest of your life weighing 250lbs? No.
Play one round of russian roulette? No way jose.
Go on a bread and water diet for two years? No.
Never get married? Uh, I don't think so. But maybe.
Give up your driving privileges? I could hire a driver, so yes (:
Leave the US forever? I love the US, I am not sure.
Not brush your teeth for a week? Yuck, yes though.
Kill an innocent person? No.
Kill a murderer? As much as I would want to, I could never do that.
Never own a pet the rest of your life? No way!
Give up facebook forever? Easily.
Never travel anywhere? I don't think so..
Never watch your favorite TV show again? Hmm, probably.
Dig up a grave? I wouldn't want to but probably could.
Never swim again? No! 
Live somewhere it's cold all the time? Yes
Live somewhere it's warm all the time? Yes
Give up your sense of smell? No
Give up your sense of taste? No
Cut off one of your body parts? My hair (:
Take a bite of someones poop? Omg gross, but I think I would make myself ha
Donate half of the million to a charity of your choice? Of course!
Donate all of the million to a charity of your choice? Of course!

My cravings.

Some things I crave for a lot..

Boneless buffalo bites

Buffalo wings

Mac&cheese

Dove milk chocolate

Water

Macadamia nuts

Boston's chicken piccata

Redbull

Vegetable beef soup

Scooby Doo fruit snacks

Pepperoni Pizza

d a y t w e n t y t h r e e

Uniqueness

What makes me different from everyone else?

My imagination. 

I love this about myself. The mind is a powerful thing. I always try to understand what people are thinking about. I wish I could read someone's mind, all of the time. I'm sure there would be a lot of things, hurtful things I wouldn't ever want to know or hear but I wouldn't mind. I wonder if people see and think the same things I do. I want to know where their minds wander. I think this is why I love to read so much. When I read I create a movie in my head. Sometimes I hate it because I see things in my head and expect them to be a certain way and once I actually see them for myself, they are never the way I picture them. I create some things a lot more beautiful than they really are. My imagination can't help it. When someone tells me what a person looks like and describes their every detail, I picture that person, and once I meet them, they are always different. It's sometimes a let down. I find myself saying all the time, "this is not how I pictured it." Danny has never read a book. Me loving to read I always try and find something he is interested in but he won't give it the time of day I've asked him before simply why he doesn't like to read and I found out that his imagination simply isn't really there. When he reads something he can't picture it. I don't know if this is something he can't or chooses not to do. Wish I knew. I can kind of tell he is starting to accept my advice and really now wants to find something he is interested in to read. I hope one day he chooses to but I will leave that up to him. He is the one missing out. I love my imagination and I am so happy that it's so strong, precise, and amazing.

d a y t w e n t y t w o

happiness.

Day 21 - Happiness. A picture of something that makes me happy.

Brucas

Sophia Bush is one of my idols. She is classy, smart, beautiful. I have never been disappointed by her and the things she does, the choices she makes. Chad Micheal Murray is probably my number one on cutest guys. His smile, voice, and attitude I find very sexy. I have been IN LOVE with this couple ever since One Tree Hill, and once I found out that the both of them were actually getting married in real life, you can only imagine what I felt. Happiness. Brooke and Lucas were always my favorite couple. I found myself exactly like Brooke, and I always wanted to find me a Lucas. I am still a little pissed off at Mark Schwahn for putting Peyton and Lucas together but there is nothing I can do about this. After hearing rumors that Chad was "unfaithful" to Sophia, I will never look at him the same. He is now on the bottom of my sexy guy list. Any guy who is unfaithful is someone I probably won't give the time of day. Who could do that to beautiful Sophia. I wish her the best and hope someday soon she finds her special someone, and I hope he treats her the way every women should be treated. I am sure you are wondering why this couple makes me happy.. that is still a little unknown to me but I will do my best to share why. I feel that, they both look really happy in this picture. They had a kind of love that I've always dreamed of finding. Their relationship gave me hope and confidence that one day I will find my special someone. They've taught me a lot through the characters that they've played. I am not sure I could of got through high school without them. This picture makes me happy whenever I see it. I still wish they were married. I thought they were perfect together. I also give Sophia a lot of respect for ending their marriage, most women aren't strong enough to move on. They think that they can change but in reality, probably never will. It says a lot about her, she is very strong and independent, and doesn't need a man to be happy in life. I love that.

Some quotes by Sophia Bush

"This is a difficult and unfortunate situation. 

I am glad this is being resolved sooner rather than later."

"The hardest situation to stay happy in, I think, 
is when you're trying to find love, and yourself 
at the same time. It just doesn't seem to fit well."

"When you realize the good people in your life, you're so lucky."

"Marriage is not about age, it's about finding the right person."

I can see clearly

I've been feeling best late at night, figures. I haven't really hit my "nausea" phase yet, it should be coming within the next few days though. I'm not really looking forward to it. I usually spend my days sleeping. They have been a blur. I dislike not being able to remember my days. This leaves me not being able to read or write. I hate it. This is probably why I have been going a little insane. I've been a beast lately, especially to Danny. I am so lucky that he even puts up with me. He will never understand and he will never really know how sorry I am even though I tell him. I feel like I am letting people down. When I feel negativity and let others hear how I sound, I feel like I'm breaking. I'm weaker then people think and I don't like that to be known. I wish I were stronger for everyone. I wish I could say this journey was a piece of cake. I know it's not supposed to be, I guess I don't like others knowing the weak side of me. I know I am being absolutely ridiculous. 
I've been writing more in my quote book. It leaves me happy and inspired. I hope I fill every page this year, and maybe even start a second book. 
I want to become a stronger person. Stronger than I already am. Sometimes I feel like I am not even the one making me strong, it's others. Without the people I have in my life I would be nothing. This is something I hope to overcome soon. I need more independence from myself. I don't think I have ever realized this. I've become comfortable with life and the people in it. What if that were to change suddenly. My whole world would come crashing down. I am so blessed to have everyone in my life that I do. Thank you for being there for me when I need it most. 

"If you can't handle me at my worst..

then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

Day 20 - My dream guy. Does it need an explanation? 

My dream guy has never had to look a certain way. 

I've always found that it's much more than just looks. 

I've always wanted a guy to be:

selfless, 

loyal, 

kind, 

funny,

generous, 

patient, 

loving, 

understanding, 

strong, 

independent.

I know this list may sound like a lot of qualities. I don't expect every guy to fit these but I have found someone who is closer than I ever imagined to these. He has seen me at my absolute worst and is still here. I adore him more than anyone I have ever met. I am very lucky to be able to call him mine. He is very special to me.

Nicknames

Day 19 - Nicknames I have and why do I have them.

Kris.. from Dad
Baby.. from Danny.
Christian.. from Dad and Uncle
Kisstin.. from friends
Special K.. from family
Krissy B.. from Mom

My dreams

Day 18 - Plans/dreams/goals I have.

Kick cancers ass!

Go to school to become a nurse.

Find a great job.

Buy a house.

Get married.

Be a mom.

Lose 20 pounds.

Continue to stay happy.

The switch

A post about someone I would want to switch lives with for one day and why.


*Definitely Danny, I would like a better understanding of his job and what he does each day. And I would like to get in that head of his. I would like to know his thought process and the way he looks at things. I just want a better understanding. Also, I have always wanted to see what it was like to be a boy.*


Day 17

Me myself and I

Day 16 - A picture of myself and a random thought.

"Where would I be if I wasn't with D.

and would I be truly happy?"

Mini playlist

Day 15 - Ten songs I love right now.
01. The Time by The Black Eyed Peas
02. So Happy I Could Die by Lady Gaga
03. December by Lydia
04. No Love by Eminem 
05. Firework by Katy Perry
06. No It Isn't by +44
07. Pretty Girl by Sugarcult
08. Just A Dream by Nelly
09. A Camera Lens and Careful Days by Lydia
10. Raise Your Glass by P!nk

Favorite foods

Day 12 - A post about my favorite foods and my dream meal.
*Favorite foods: I am a huge appetizer girl. I crave..
Boneless Buffalo Wings
Pasta
Spinach and Artichoke Dip
Bean and Cheese Burritos
Fried Rice
Crunchy Green Beans
*Dream Meal:
My grandmas Fried Chicken and Gravy, Mashed Potatoes, and Carrots, 
with a glass of Cranberry-Grape Sparkling Apple Cider. (:

Day 10 - Recent proud moment. Something I'm proud of in the past few days.

I'm proud of myself that I am actually working on some of my new year resolutions.

Every year I make resolutions and I usually never attempt them.

But this year I am really working hard on making these resolutions come true.

I mean there must be a reason I make them, I need to stick with it. 

The faves

Day 07 - My favorite book, movie, tv show, and artist.
My favorite book: The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen
My favorite movie: The Notebook. 
My favorite TV show: One Tree Hill
My favorite artist: Vanessa Carlton

Day 06 - A place I've been to. A picture of and a story about somewhere that I’ve been to.

   

I haven't visited that many places in my life. (Yet!) 

But I have been very happy to visit the places I've been.One place that I will always remember is mine and D's first apartment together. I remember looking at it and how we both knew this was the one. The main reason was the view. It't probably the littlest apartment in the complex but we loved every minute about living her. Living here with D in our safe haven. I'm going to miss living here.

The bad habit.

Day 05 - The bad habit. A habit that I wish I didn’t have.

I have this habit where I don't put the lid on things.

This helps no one out, not even myself. 

Whenever I or D go to get something with a lid, it's never on!

It spills everywhere and makes a big mess.

This is something D hates! 

And I hope that one day it becomes a habit I break. 

In 2010 I..

Was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

Got a clearance puppy, Lukey!

Went on my first "real" vacation with D.

Shaved my head!

Gained 20 lbs. 
Made my wish list.
Found out how strong I can be.
Realized how much D meant to me.

Decided I wanted to go to school to be a nurse.

Became close with a few unexpected people.

Started my hope chest.
Realized I had a shopping problem.

Considered myself an alcoholic. - I never drink now. (: 
Became less confident in myself.
D and I hit our first one year mark.

Saw my Lakers play in person.

Changed my outlook on life.
Became happy with the person I've become.

In 2011 I.. 

Hope to be in remission.

Want to lose at least 20 lbs.
Hope to fit into this skirt I always wore in high school.

Want to adopt a kitten.
Want to work out everyday.
Want to start planning my wedding.
Want to see my hair grow back.
Want to be financially stable.
Hope to be going back to school.
Want to go on a vacation somewhere tropical.

Want to buy our house.
Want to start painting and decorating our house.

Want to plan something way fun for D's 21st birthday!

Want to get engaged.

Hope to still have my manager position at Boston's.
Want to eat healthier.
Want to be happy.