New normal

It has been a little over a week since my last blog entry.

Since then.. I have been a little better since losing Auntie. I am getting back into a routine and trying to keep pushing forward from this. It has been hard but it's doable.. or I guess has to be because what choice do I really have?

None.

A few updates:

Brooke is loving school. (I think) I see so much of Brooke in me. I feel as though I was her as a child. I know how she feels and I have an idea of what she is thinking but I wish I could somehow get her feelings out of her. Who am I to say that right? I am 28 years old and it has taking me this long to deal with my own feelings and emotions.. I hope she knows everything she feels is okay.

Charlie is doing great. We have PT and OT once a week. I am so ready for her to potty train! She has adjusted to her alone time when B is at school just fine. She is excited for next year when she gets to go to school.
We are thinking of casting her right knee again to see if we can get any more ROM (range of motion) in it. She has finally agreed to this. She misses her wheels she's said.

Danny recently got pre-approved for a mortgage. We have been house hunting the past week. It's been fun, nerve racking, and a little stressful with the girls but we are so grateful and excited for a future here in Florida. If we haven't told you yet, we will be staying! Nothing feels more right.

My blog has always been my random thoughts and always will be. I am sure I have mentioned this in the past. But I've been feeling the urge to speak/write what is on my mind lately so here I am.


Love Always,
Kristin

New Year, New Me!

Okay okay! I know that saying is so cliche but in this case it's 100% true!

2019 has been a great one so far.
We have done so many fun things.
We have a lot of hard times ahead
but I know we will get through them.

Danny and us girls are STRONG!

A few things that I am working on are..
Eating healthier
Exercising at least 5 times a week
At least 10K steps a day
No alcohol for 60 days
Mindset Reset.. being more positive.

So far I am kicking a** and taking names! 

Charlie has begun her serial casting this week. She is handling it like a champ. Her first surgery is Feb 6th and the second is Feb 20th. I am looking forward to getting these done and behind us.
I am ready to focus on her recovery and her physical therapy.

I am completely loving Florida! I never want to leave.
It has been odd not knowing what our future holds for us.
Not knowing where we will end up.
But it has also made life exciting.

Love Always,
Kristin

Brooke Moyes

It's been almost a year since I have posted anything on here. Although, I am sad that I haven't found the time or have found anything worth writing. That is all about to change. Danny and I are expecting our first baby July 23, 2015. Now this is something worth writing about. Let me catch you up on a few things..

October 2014; We decided we should start trying to have a baby. I have always been somewhat concerned I would not be able to get pregnant. I can thank cancer for that. We thought, might as well start trying in case it takes us a year or two.

November 2014; I had a long rough week at work. I thought a glass of wine sounded like just what I needed. First, might as well take a pregnancy test to be sure that was okay. (I had taken one a week earlier, which came back negative.) Peed on stick, positive. Scratch that glass of wine. Freak out a little! (in an awesome way) Greet husband at the door, "I'm pregnant! What should we do?!" His response, "Celebrate!!" 

 From that moment on we were so excited, we are going to be parents! 

We were in shock of how quickly it happened. We are so happy and so thankful. 

Pregnancy, lets face it, it has not been the best time of my life. I don't have the pregnancy glow. I am not one of the lucky ones that just gets a bigger belly. I have gained weight everywhere! And I mean everywhere! I have gotten so many stretch marks. I am still throwing up every morning. (I am 30 weeks pregnant!) I could go on all day of how much harder this has been than I thought it would ever be. But none of that matters because I am going to be a mom! I am so blessed that my pregnancy has been a healthy one. I have this perfect baby growing in my belly. I am so anxious to finally meet her. Have a mentioned we are having a baby girl? Her name is Brooke. Brooke (working on middle name) Moyes.

21 weeks 1 lb. 2 oz.

12 weeks

22 weeks

25 weeks

30 weeks

  
I am hoping to find the time to write more often. I can't wait to catch you guys up on my life. 

Thanks for reading,
-Kristin

Happy Birthday, Kristin Brooke Correa

I am now 20 years old and it feels great. I was nervous about turning twenty but I think this year is easily going to be the best year of my life. It's exciting knowing this. I feel calm and at ease with whatever comes my way. I've never felt this sense of calm. My whole life I've been overcome by anxiety of things that I will never hold the power to. I've tried to take control of too many situations and I've exhausted myself in the process. I am fed up with that state of mind I've been living in the past 20 years. It's time for things to change drastically, and they already have. I honestly can't explain what has gotten me to this point but to be honest, it feels amazing. Enough with that. Valentine's Day was yesterday. I LOVE Valentine's Day! I think it has a point, I notice a lot of people always hating it or thinking it is stupid. Why do we need a day to remember love and to do something nice for our loved one, shouldn't that be every day? I think we should consider this everyday and treat everyday like it's Valentine's Day but we are human and we don't, leaving Valentine's Day special and romantic. We are busy and sometimes don't give our loved ones the time they really deserve. That is why Valentine's Day is necessary. For all of you who HATE Valentine's Day and think it is unnecessary, or dumb, "realizing I'm single day." You are wrong. That is a reason you are probably still single. You obviously aren't happy with yourself. You think you are mature for love, but you are not. What ever happened to being happy for others and realizing that your day might come too when you can enjoy Valentines Day with your lover. Once you have someone are you still going to hate Valentines Day? I highly doubt it. So in conclusion, be happy for others in love. As we all know, it's not easy. Be happy for those who have worked hard for something they have. Have hope and know that one day it will happen for you too. There is no rush to fall in love. When the time is right you will have it. I was a little taken back with people's negative posts on FB. Again, FB.. I should seriously delete it but I find it a great way for communication, in a way. I am not very confrontational that is why I post something here and not there, because I feel safer here. Now on to my birthday and my Valentine's Day. I love that Danny says, "it's your birthday before Valentine's Day. It makes me feel special. I am literally his Valentine. My birthday started off as any regular day, D and I got up sorta early but slept in a little. I was craving McDonalds breakfast so he went and got us that. After we ate we got ready for the day and had some errands we needed to run. First we went to Petsmart to buy things for my bunnies, then we went to Home Depot for some things for the house. After that we drove down to Salt Lake to meet the guy with my baby bunnies, he was so cute and nice and I enjoyed talking to him. Oh on the way chemo kicked back in and I got sick :/ When we arrived home with them we were in such awe we didn't know what to do. First of all they are tiny! Little little. They were so much littler that we thought, they are also so soft and furry. They look fake. It's really amazing to hold something that small and cute. We let them jump around the backyard until one of them jumped through the fence into the neighbors yard, luckily we got it before anything worse could happen. That was the scariest moment ever, we live on a busy street and they are very fast for how little they are, anything could have happened. So my day was going great other than being sick the rest of the day. Danny got me OTH season 6&7 and my bunnies. I had a great birthday. For dinner I decided I wanted to BBQ because it was SO nice and you don't get to do that often in Utah especially in February on my birthday, I've always wanted a summer birthday. Danny made him and I bacon cheese burgers, with bbq sauce. They were so yummy! We sat outside our backyard and ate and I asked him, "How many other couples do you think are eating hamburgers in their backyard? Usually on V-day you want to be all dressed up and go out to eat somewhere expensive." He agreed and we laughed. But honestly, there is nothing I would have wanted to do more. I was so happy just to be with him. We don't have to do anything too expensive or out of the ordinary. I was just happy to be with him and spend time with him. After dinner the doorbell rang. Danny went to get it while I cleaned up. He came in with a box from UPS, it was addressed to me, I was thinking cool, maybe it's my OTH. I asked him what it was and he wasn't sure but he had a huge grin on his face. I kept saying OTH can't be that big. When he finally got it open I saw a dozen red roses, a box of chocolates, and some lavender bath soap. I was so excited and surprised  I kept asking who it was from. I got the card out and read the name at the bottom and it was from Danny. I looked at him smiling and in disbelief, I probably hurt his feelings. I've mentioned before that  he is not the most thoughtful person. So I was very taken back and excited that he actually did something for my birthday. I kept telling him thank you and how much I loved what he did. Here I was after dinner thinking I had already got my presents and my birthday was coming to an end and these show up. I am so hard to surprise because I am up in every one's business. But he did it. He surprised me for the first time in my life. I was the happiest girl in that moment. I love you DFM. Thank you for making me feel special every day. I had the best birthday and Valentine's Day ever. One thing I have been really considering doing is now that I am 20, I want to try not to consume any alcohol until I am 21. I think this would be a great challenge and worth doing. Also very hard because I have not drank for awhile now since I was diagnosed. I will be in remission in a month and at my cancer free party, I will be tempted. I want to use my self control. If I have any. I hate giving up on things so I think I am going to try and stick with it no matter what. My 21 experience will be something fun worth remembering. Who knows, I might not miss it at all and I will realize that. Best wishes to me. 

"if you don't want to read, i don't blame you"

I've finally come to the realization that I am on fb way too much. Not that it is necessarily a bad thing, I love knowing what others are up to, or hearing quotes that I haven't heard before. I think it's great how others open up somehow by something so little as a status. But maybe it is a bad thing. I usually am on when I am bored or have some extra time, but lately all my time is extra time. I'm lucky for my fund and Danny who has been supporting me lately, in anything I want. I feel a little spoiled, not that I don't deserve it because I think I do. What girl doesn't want a man to spoil them. As long as I don't let it get to my head. Through this journey I've learned a lot about myself. Thinking back to the day I was diagnosed with cancer, I can replay the whole day in my head. Everything I did. My life had never been completely flipped upside down on me before. I wasn't sure who to turn to. I probably did the worst thing I could do and put all my walls up. The people that actually have taken the time to get to know me know that I like to hide and take matters in my own hands. I don't feel like sharing or talking about my feelings at the time of my hardest days. I sit and sulk by myself and like it. I get annoyed when people (mostly my mom) but in and tell me that I need to get out and do something, or call a friend to talk or hang out because really, no I don't have to or have any urge to. I should, I am the worst friend when I am going through probably some of the hardest times of my life, I do hate this about myself but sometimes I need "me" time. Sometimes I just want to be alone and take care of myself. I do not think anything is wrong with this because this is MY way of coping. So please understand, I am not depressed I just like to be alone. I am my own best friend at times and I am the best friend I have. Let me cope my way and you cope your way. I've been a little anxious lately. Time seems to be going by so fast all of a sudden. Very soon I will get to start my new life. Only 48 more days until I should have my last chemotherapy. One thing I am so excited about is getting to grow my hair back. As much as I have loved this experience and being without hair, I can't wait to have hair again. I miss it so much, more than I ever thought I would. I am also excited to get back in shape. I have an ideal weight that I won't be totally happy until I reach it. 115. My new favorite number. I am excited to start working out and getting healthy again. I want to maintain this weight. I've heard it's hard, especially to keep it off once it's gone. But I've been fighting cancer for months now so honestly I've learned, anything is possible. It has everything to do with your mind set. Hopefully this summer I can lose all the weight I've gained. This fall it is another one of my goals to be back in school. I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do still. It kind of sucks. I thought I had it all planned out. I would love to be a nurse. I know I'd be great at it in some ways. I hate hurting people especially physically so needles and IVs really aren't my thing. I've always wanted to be a teacher. There is that dream. Or maybe even a vet. I know I can do whatever I want to do. I can take the time to really think as well it's just hard. I'm too anxious to get a degree in literally anything and to find a job so I can do the one thing I want most, be a mom. This will be my job hopefully until my babies grow up. Hopefully we can live on just D's income for awhile. I don't want to miss a moment in my child's life especially when they are little. Maybe I can work part time instead of not at all. We will see. I'm also in a hurry to get married. I wish weddings weren't so expensive. I want a big wedding but that takes a lot of money so maybe a small one will have to do. Either way I will be happy just to marry him. Another thing I wanted to add was something that has been weighing heavily on my mind. I know this is MY blog and MY place for ME. Danny is a HUGE part of my life but sometimes I feel like I talk about him too much in my blog. I don't want others turning away from reading because I feel like I brag about how happy I am and lucky. Like I said, I don't like hurting people and I know I would be a little anxious to find love because I was always that way. Maybe even a little jealous of others, but don't get me wrong. I am always happy to hear other people and their relationships working. Having your relationship work is a blessing but also it is something you constantly have to work out. Love does not come easy. I will tell you that. We sometimes still question and have to think about if we are right for another. And luckily when we have these moments, we always come to the agreement that neither of us wants to go anywhere, no matter what. Danny and I have this book, well I have this book that I wrote Danny in high school when we weren't together. It's my feelings and frustrations. I wrote in it last night as I try to often. This letter to Danny was probably the deepest thing that I have ever written anyone. I've never felt that way when writing and I literally couldn't stop and I fought through the tears when I finished I wasn't sure whether I wanted him to read it now or later in life. I decided later. I mentioned it today, you know, just in case something were to happen to me suddenly, although I hope I never leave him and for more time to come for us. I wanted him to kinda get the idea in his head so he would know it was there to read whenever he needed to. I hated his reaction. I felt a little vulnerable and I put a lot of heart into that letter. It was on his lunch break and he was frustrated with work so I understand but still at least show a little emotion. When I am home I almost leave my troubles at the door unless I need his opinion on what I should do. After writing this letter last night I tried to fall asleep but I couldn't which isn't something that surprises me because this happens every night. I decided to pray. Now I do pray often, in my way but I don't think it is the "proper" way, if there is one. This prayer was different. It was long and emotional but I felt like someone or something was listening, other than my cute Sophie who was up licking my salty tears all night while Lukey and Danny slept in silence having no idea, this often happens but this is how I like it. Sometimes I feel like Danny doesn't know how to take my emotional happy or sad tears. He tries but I know I make him feel uncomfortable. Which is fine because I know he isn't very emotional. Sometimes I have no idea why he wants to be with me or why I want to be with him. We are so different. Somehow though in this crazy life through these crazy times, we work. I or even you probably will never understand but for some reason I like it. After working so hard for so long for something that I wanted so bad, I actually got it. Him. Never thought I would be here saying this because it still feels and sounds too good to be true. One thing I've been thinking about lately is couples. Sparks vs comfort. Now honestly, you tell me which one you want to feel with someone. I bet almost 99% of you would pick sparks.. am I right? Well I have a question for you.. why? I've felt the "sparks" with Danny before, at the beginning of our relationship but now I am more comfortable with him than I am with myself and that is something I would never change. When I long for a kiss I don't have to be nervous about taking one anymore. I can take one whenever I please no matter what and I love that. I've had boyfriends tell me before they leave me that they don't feel that "spark" anymore when they kiss me and always ended the relationship and honestly I never understood why. This left me feeling sad and confused because I thought that's what people longed for in relationships, that comfort you know will never go away, well at least that's what I longed for. Having it is weird and at times we've questioned it but what we've been looking for is that comfort feeling, that feeling that no matter what we look like or how bad we smell waking up in the morning next to each other, we can cuddle and laugh and joke and make fun of one another. I think that is the best kind of love. I would hate walking on egg shells around each other. Wondering what to say or what I can and cannot say, not being completely honest with him. I wouldn't be able to be me. And I think that is the number one thing that is most important in a relationship is being able to be yourself around someone who can also do the same. It's the easiest and best feeling to find someone who accepts you. Who loves you, no matter what. I've learned that recently with Danny. Being bald is great for me but I don't have to look at me all day. Danny does, and sometimes I find myself insecure about it around him and he always is there to reassure me that it's okay. We have both put on more weight that we ever expected and no matter how much weight he gains I could care less, I will be concerned but if he is happy, I am happy. I love that feeling. It's something that I try and never take for granted because it is so great. One day I hope you have the chance to know what I am talking about. And hopefully you will. I think I've talked myself to sleep, hopefully. I hope tomorrow brings a beautiful day, one that I can enjoy with the people I love most. Sweet dreams. Thanks for listening, I feel a lot better.

Uniqueness

What makes me different from everyone else?

My imagination. 

I love this about myself. The mind is a powerful thing. I always try to understand what people are thinking about. I wish I could read someone's mind, all of the time. I'm sure there would be a lot of things, hurtful things I wouldn't ever want to know or hear but I wouldn't mind. I wonder if people see and think the same things I do. I want to know where their minds wander. I think this is why I love to read so much. When I read I create a movie in my head. Sometimes I hate it because I see things in my head and expect them to be a certain way and once I actually see them for myself, they are never the way I picture them. I create some things a lot more beautiful than they really are. My imagination can't help it. When someone tells me what a person looks like and describes their every detail, I picture that person, and once I meet them, they are always different. It's sometimes a let down. I find myself saying all the time, "this is not how I pictured it." Danny has never read a book. Me loving to read I always try and find something he is interested in but he won't give it the time of day I've asked him before simply why he doesn't like to read and I found out that his imagination simply isn't really there. When he reads something he can't picture it. I don't know if this is something he can't or chooses not to do. Wish I knew. I can kind of tell he is starting to accept my advice and really now wants to find something he is interested in to read. I hope one day he chooses to but I will leave that up to him. He is the one missing out. I love my imagination and I am so happy that it's so strong, precise, and amazing.

d a y t w e n t y t w o

"If you can't handle me at my worst..

then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

Day 20 - My dream guy. Does it need an explanation? 

My dream guy has never had to look a certain way. 

I've always found that it's much more than just looks. 

I've always wanted a guy to be:

selfless, 

loyal, 

kind, 

funny,

generous, 

patient, 

loving, 

understanding, 

strong, 

independent.

I know this list may sound like a lot of qualities. I don't expect every guy to fit these but I have found someone who is closer than I ever imagined to these. He has seen me at my absolute worst and is still here. I adore him more than anyone I have ever met. I am very lucky to be able to call him mine. He is very special to me.

The switch

A post about someone I would want to switch lives with for one day and why.


*Definitely Danny, I would like a better understanding of his job and what he does each day. And I would like to get in that head of his. I would like to know his thought process and the way he looks at things. I just want a better understanding. Also, I have always wanted to see what it was like to be a boy.*


Day 17

Me myself and I

Day 16 - A picture of myself and a random thought.

"Where would I be if I wasn't with D.

and would I be truly happy?"

Just some thoughts

I am finally reading again, thank goodness. I go through fazes, sometimes I am constantly reading and other times I never read. When I am not reading I don't feel as smart as I feel when I do read. Right now I am reading three books, The Book Of Awakening, Marley & Me, and a book all about chihuahuas. I love each one..
*The Book Of Awakening, is amazing. I find myself wanting to read ahead, but I don't because it's supposed to be a page a day. It's hard to stop myself from reading on. Thanks again Rachael!
*Marley & Me, I have been wanting to read for awhile now. I love the movie, I always cry. I like how it is written by a man. I like that John Grogan is so honest and smart enough to write a story about his dog. It shows me that men actually do have feelings.
*The Chihuahua, I am reading because my two chihuahuas are little shits. I want a better understanding of them and tips on training them. The main thing I need to do is socialization. I take them places all the time but they still bark no matter what. It's annoying to me and I am sure others. Hopefully I can get them a little more behaved this year. I think not living in an apartment will help things a lot. All they know is this apartment. I think having a backyard will be a huge change for them.  
Tomorrow I have my 8th chemotherapy. I am not excited or even anxious. It sucks. I hate the attitude I have built towards going to chemo, I used to love it. It's just everything about that place makes me nauseous. The smells especially. It's weird. I will never be able to explain. Last chemo I slept the whole time. It made the time fly by but I remember always wondering how people could sleep because I never could. But now I understand why most people are sleeping. I am sick of my port-a-cath, especially being poked there. It's always itchy. I can't wait to get it taken out. Which probably won't be for awhile, but still. I keep telling myself after this only 4 more! 4 more! It sounds like hardly any and it is. I just wish I could speed up time. I need to stay positive, I know and I've been trying it's just hard. But I know I can do it, I have to. I am happy to see Dr. Hansen so he can check my lymph nodes and tell me he doesn't feel any. That always makes me happy. Seeing that the chemo is actually doing it's job and not just making me sick. It's hard for me to even enjoy my last feel good day because I am too worried about tomorrow. 
D was able to get the rest of my chemo days off, which I am really happy about. He said something the other day that made me happy. He said, "I hated the thought that you were at chemo and I wasn't there with you." This made me smile and realize how much he does care. D isn't a wear your feelings on your sleeve kind of guy. I can count on one hand how many times I've seen him cry. Not sure if this is a good or bad thing. I've considered it good because I do enough crying for the both of us.
I'm going to try and enjoy the rest of my day that I have left.

Thanks for listening.

The weekend.

Danny and I had a very successful and busy weekend. We aren't able to move in yet because they haven't finished painting but there is still a lot we have to do before it is move in ready. The house is pretty old, very vintage but I absolutely love it. There is more room than we know what to do with and a great backyard with lots of room to run for Soph and Luke. Unfortunately the couch we have just isn't going to work with the living room so we need to shop around and find another one. Our washer and dryer were delivered to the house yesterday and I love them. They are so pretty and so quiet. I can't wait to use them everyday! 

Yesterday we spent the whole day shoveling the driveway. The house has been empty for awhile so there was so much ice built up. We got all the ice shoveled off the driveway and we salted so if it snows again hopefully the salt will help melt it so that doesn't happen again. The driveway is huge so I think it would be a good idea to invest in a snowblower. Although I don't mind shoveling. We also needed to buy a new garage door opener, so we did that yesterday. There is a lot of cleaning and updating we need to do while we are there. I am excited to finally get to live there. We are in a very convenient location. It is kind of far from family but we are so close to everything. The house is on 36th St. in Ogden so we are very close to Riverdale. Driving around town yesterday I was getting excited about all the things we will be close to. 

Danny and I have kinda been going through a rough patch. It's hard to plan and get things done around chemo. I need a lot of help from him and sometimes I can't do things without him. I hate it. I know he is frustrated and tired from his job and me. I feel like a burden. Even though I know he loves me and will do anything. I can tell right now there is a lot going through his head. We both know that once chemo is over, everything will be better. It will almost be like a new life for the both of us. I am so happy that he has stuck by my side through everything. 

I've come to the realization that having a house is going to take a lot of work. But having a house is something that I have always dreamed of. I can't wait to take on this huge responsibility. This will be another test for Danny and I. This is definitely going to test our relationship but I think this will be good. Before we buy a house together we have to go through these obstacles to see if this relationship is strong enough to get through anything.  

Things end

This weekend could go completely smooth or completely chaotic. As soon as I get the "okay" I am packing up the apartment. 

A few posts ago I mentioned us living with my parents for awhile. It was so nice of them to offer but we have got another opportunity and I think this will be better for everyone's sake.

Danny's grandparents passed away a few years ago. There has been family renting that house and they just recently moved out. Vivian offered us the house rent free for as long as we would like, until we are ready to buy our own house. 

We couldn't turn this opportunity down. So hopefully I will get the okay and we can start moving in this weekend. Our new washer and dryer are arriving there Monday. I am excited. I might actually like to do my laundry now, hopefully.

If you know me, I am very anxious. I love change. I love packing and unpacking. I just bought myself a  labeler to help with my organization. Because it becomes a problem. I want to become more organized. 

Although our lease isn't up until now March. We were five days late in putting our 60 day notice so now unfortunately we have to pay for the whole month of March. D is pissed. I am just ready for a house. Mainly because I want my babies to have a backyard. Especially Lukey.

 A few things I am going to miss about mine and D's first apartment.

*Our private view.
*The wildlife.
*The trail.
*Feeding the ducks.
*Throwing Luke and Soph in the mote.
*The cows and horses.
*The sunsets.
*Our deck.
*I know exactly what time the fox are out.
*Seeing the regulars on the trail.
*Our cats.

*Living in clutter.
*Giving the lonely dog a bone.
*The pond.
*The baby fox.
*Evening bike rides on the trail.
*The pool and hot tub.
*The bats in the summer.
*Watching the baby ducks grow up.
*"Quiet time"
*Carrying our groceries up a flight of stairs.
*Bitching when there isn't a close parking spot.
*The cute maintenance guy who is always doing something productive.
*Our big tub.
*Our walk in closet.
*The cute old man downstairs.. Scraping snow off  his car. Shoveling a path to his car so he doesn't have any trouble.
*Our nosey backward neighbor.
*Being so close to everything.
*Going on walks on the trail.
*Feeling safe.

Day 06 - A place I've been to. A picture of and a story about somewhere that I’ve been to.

   

I haven't visited that many places in my life. (Yet!) 

But I have been very happy to visit the places I've been.One place that I will always remember is mine and D's first apartment together. I remember looking at it and how we both knew this was the one. The main reason was the view. It't probably the littlest apartment in the complex but we loved every minute about living her. Living here with D in our safe haven. I'm going to miss living here.

Day 03 - My family. A post about my family.

Danny Moyes, even though D and I aren't married yet and we are doing everything backwards, one day we will get it right. I still consider him apart of my family. He is everything I am not and I think that is what makes us work together so well. He is selfless and would do anything he had to for me. He supports me in everything I do. He spoils me rotten. Soon in our future we will be married and have the life we've always dreamed of together.

Eric Correa, my dad. He is the most genuine man I have ever met. Although he may not look like it on the outside.. All my boyfriends have been "intimidated" by meeting him, on the inside he is so understanding and caring. I remember him always sacrificing his things, things that he loved so me and my sister could have something we probably didn't really need. We would always come home with new pets he bought us and made our mom mad. I always remember getting everything I wanted with him. Another thing I love about my dad is that he always can make me laugh. That is something I find rare in people. Everyone isn't funny like him. There is never a dull moment. He is always making fun of someone.

Michele Correa, my mom. She's always been the sensible one. She always made sure we had what we needed. She was a great mom. There was not a day that she didn't do my hair for me and my sis. We always had the cutest clothes and things. She spoiled us. I love that I am just like her in some ways. Especially in the way that she always wanted to be a mother. Just a mom. And even though today in life that might not be very reasonable but that is exactly what I want to be, a mom. She understands my need for that.

Cassidy Correa, my little sister. She is now 16 years old. I remember when I was 16, it's a great age to be. I hope she doesn't grow up too fast and takes the time to be a kid, because they don't last long enough. My sister and I haven't always been that close until recently. We had our bickering moments, fights, and name calling but what sister doesn't fight over clothes, or bathroom time. I wish I would have been a little nicer towards her and I am sure she feels the same way. I love her so much. Whenever we are together, we laugh. We bring up the past. We laugh about putting cake, cardboard, salt in my dad's last sip of beer. Or making fun of moms hair. We always laugh and that is something I love. I hope my sister knows how much she means to me even if we don't see each other that much anymore. I will always be there for her no matter what the future brings.

Sophie, my chihuahua. Yes, I consider my dog apart of my family. She is what made me fall in love with the chihuahua breed. I have never had a dog that cares about me as much as she has. She is like a little baby. I can hold her, carry her, dress her, feed her, talk to her, love her, buy her toys, buy her beds. She makes me so happy. She always makes sure I am okay. She knows  that I am sick and when I cry, she licks my tears and wags her tail and always makes me happy. She is a total daddy's girl. I've been told chihuahuas live a long time. I hope those moments are never cut short. I love you baby Soph.

Lucas, my chihuahua. Since I fell in love with Soph, I knew I could fall in love with another. I wanted another for Soph so she wouldn't be lonely and for me, so I can feel like I sort of saved him in a way and gave him a good home. Luke got his name from of course, Lucas Scott from One Tree Hill. I remember picking Luke out from his brothers. I saw him and D in the future doing boy things. The lady also gave me a "discount" on him, so how could I say no? He whined the whole way home. He is now 10 months old and my true baby. He is my cuddle bug. He is happiest in my shirt with his head poking out. I've learned it's true that female dogs bond with boys better and male dogs bond with girls better. He is my little baby that I think will always be my baby. I love you Lukey Duke!

Day 01 - Me. A recent picture of me and 15 interesting facts about me.

01. I love being bald!

02. I always have an opinion.

03. I love spending time with animals more than people.

04. I have the worst anxiety.

05. Danny completes me.

06. I have to sleep with my dogs.

07. I live off Carnation instant breakfast.

08. I'm a talker, not a listener.

09. I am always on time.

10. I hate jewelry.

11. I am very emotional.

12. I only sleep with one skinny pillow. "My pancake pillow."

13. Addicted to Super Mario Bros Wii.

14. I can only read when it's quiet.

15. I am a back seat driver.

Opposites Attract

I feel like I have a full time job being a book critic. I can't help myself with the books Barbara Ann Kipfer writes. I somehow find myself a lot like her. With all her books I am in the depths of them. Reading in between the lines. Can't put them down. Even if they are just lists, they are lists I can relate to. I am in a peaceful state of mind when I read every word. I hope to own all of them, someday. I am working on that at the moment. Her books are very special to me. They are great to give as gifts. They are books I am sharing with my children when they are going through difficult times, or to just make them happy. Tonight I received my latest edition, "4,000 Questions For Getting To Know Anyone And Everyone." I love it. Of course, I've started asking D a bunch of questions. I am finding out how different we are from each other. And it's true, "opposites attract." He completes me, literally. I couldn't of found anyone better to be with. I know lots of people say this and end up in divorces, break ups.. but it's true. He completes me. I am blessed to have found him sooner rather than later. Back to the point, in this  book about every few pages or so it asks you questions, gets you to thinking. I've decided I am going to post them here and answer each one as honest as I can be. Feel free to do the same, even if you don't have the book. Copy and paste them from here. Some days I have nothing to blog about, nothing exciting about my cancer filled life. It gets old quick. There is only so much you can say.. "I go to chemotherapy every two weeks, where my doctor fills my body with red poison. I feel sick and crappy but the poison seems to kill the cancer cell so I am thankful." Answering these questions will help me reflect back in my life and remember somethings worth remembering. Here I go.. 

December

It's officially December and I couldn't be happier. I love the cool crisp air outside. Snow makes everything prettier. Christmas lights are my absolute favorite. I love being cozy and warm inside my apartment. Danny and I have already bought us our Christmas presents. We can NEVER wait until Christmas day, I kinda hate it. We bought a fake fireplace that puts off heat, for our living room. It's really cool. I mainly wanted this to heat up our living room and for Sophie. Sophie loves laying by the fireplace so hopefully her and Luke will take over the fireplace so I can have my electric blanket back! (They took that over the day my friends gave it to me) Spoiled. Danny wants a new phone. The Mytouch 4g. I am getting him that. And I wanted a hope chest. It's gorgeous. It's white. When I get it in the mail I will post pictures. I wanted a hope chest to put all my meaningful things in it. So I will have a place for just me. And so nothing will get ruined. It is something special to me. One day I will be able to pass it down to my kids and grandkids. I love having things like that. So we're not left out on Christmas day, Danny and I decided we're going to fill each other's stockings with little things. Stuff we know each other like. I am excited to see what Danny fills mine with. I will get an understanding of what he thinks I like. I think it will be fun. There are presents under the tree for guess who.. The dogs. Danny at first hated the idea but the other day I heard him say, "the dogs are going to have a good Christmas." I may be crazy for buying presents for my dogs but they are my babies and I want them to have a good Christmas. I got most of their stuff half off on Black Friday. BaxterBoo is my favorite online dog store. They had a bunch of sales so I got a lot of stuff for cheap. I was happy. Also my family and I have been putting together a few gift baskets for The American Cancer Society. Like the one I received when I was first diagnosed. I can't wait to donate them. I will feel good knowing I did something to make someone else happy. I cannot wait until Christmas, I can't believe how close it is. It truly is the best time of the year.

xoxox

One year!

Danny and I have lived in this cute little apartment for one year. I can't believe it's been that long. One year is a long time right? We absolutely love it here. Our lease is up in February. We are most likely moving back in with my parents for a couple months so we can save money for a down payment for a house. Usually this isn't really something I would be totally happy about but realistically it's the best option for us. Danny today was so cute he said, "In a few months our lease will be up and we are going to have to leave. I don't want to leave this place." I totally agree with him. I love my little one bedroom apartment. We have an amazing view. We are out of the way. We are comfortable here. Whoever moves in here after us is going to love it. But I can't wait to buy a house. It's always been a dream of mine. I can't wait to have my own backyard. The thing I want most is a backyard. For my babies. They love to run around. I feel bad that they don't get to as much now. I want a garden. I want to mow the grass. Shovel snow. I want to do all of it. I want to decorate, paint. Owning a home is very life changing. You really have to grow up. If something breaks, I can't just call maintenance anymore. But I am sure I can call my dad. (: In reality I will be happier to have a home with Danny but in the meantime, I am going to miss my apartment. I am excited for the future. Bring it on (:

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Given the circumstance that I am in at the moment, I would not be able to carry a baby due to chemotherapy. But lets say I was in remission, a healthy person. If I found out I was pregnant, I would be ecstatic. I would be the happiest girl alive. I know I am young. Before I really consider having a baby I want to be married to Danny, I want my degree, I want a job I love, I want a house, I want to be financially stable. I am afraid of not being able to have kids. Mainly because of chemotherapy. It's poison to my body. I know Dr. Hansen says he sees no reason for me not to be able to have kids. But it's always in the back of my mind. Adoption is a great thing. Something I would consider doing. But I want to be pregnant. I want to give birth. I want to feel my baby grow inside me. I want to see what mine and Danny's babies will look like. I want a little piece of me and a little piece of him. Maybe that is why I would be so happy to find out I am pregnant, knowing that Cancer didn't take the one thing I wanted most.

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

My relationship with Danny.

We have so many things to do and so many things to see.

I am in no hurry. I can't wait. I love you!

xoxox