New normal

It has been a little over a week since my last blog entry.

Since then.. I have been a little better since losing Auntie. I am getting back into a routine and trying to keep pushing forward from this. It has been hard but it's doable.. or I guess has to be because what choice do I really have?

None.

A few updates:

Brooke is loving school. (I think) I see so much of Brooke in me. I feel as though I was her as a child. I know how she feels and I have an idea of what she is thinking but I wish I could somehow get her feelings out of her. Who am I to say that right? I am 28 years old and it has taking me this long to deal with my own feelings and emotions.. I hope she knows everything she feels is okay.

Charlie is doing great. We have PT and OT once a week. I am so ready for her to potty train! She has adjusted to her alone time when B is at school just fine. She is excited for next year when she gets to go to school.
We are thinking of casting her right knee again to see if we can get any more ROM (range of motion) in it. She has finally agreed to this. She misses her wheels she's said.

Danny recently got pre-approved for a mortgage. We have been house hunting the past week. It's been fun, nerve racking, and a little stressful with the girls but we are so grateful and excited for a future here in Florida. If we haven't told you yet, we will be staying! Nothing feels more right.

My blog has always been my random thoughts and always will be. I am sure I have mentioned this in the past. But I've been feeling the urge to speak/write what is on my mind lately so here I am.


Love Always,
Kristin

One Month Down

I've been waiting to write this when it was "the right time" or when it got "easier" to but then I realized, this will never get any easier..

My Auntie is one of the greatest people I know. She shared with me her love for friends, relationships, animals, a good book, the ocean, cooking, picture taking, memory making, scrap booking, and a million other things that mattered. She loved to feel.

I always felt like her daughter. We look alike! We've gone through LOTS of the same things. We each have a high school sweetheart named Danny, we both had a form of Lymphoma 💚💜 we've been bald & gone through chemo around the same age. We have similarities.. We have always wanted a farm. We LOVE the ocean more than words. 🌊 Lance Bass is our favorite Nsync member. Quotes and sayings are life. Music is good for the soul. We always believed you're only as happy as you let yourself be. And only you are in charge of that happiness.

There are a few things I can no longer do without losing it completely. I can't listen to the song 'Senorita' by Shawn Mendes or 'Shallow' by Lady Gaga let alone watch the movie A Star Is Born. 'Fill Me In' by Craig David (that was our song) still stops my breath but is becoming more tolerable.

The happy things.. Charlie has your middle name and initials CJ! ❤ The movie "Shag" brings a smile to my face. Whenever I am at the beach, I think of you. That monarch butterfly is always you 🦋 I hope she knows how much I love her! I will forever cherish the memories I was so lucky to make with her. She will always be in my heart. And for the rest of my life I will search for moments of you.

The regrets I have are small and will leave with time.. The last picture I took on my phone was supposed to go to her but never got sent. I had the feeling to call that weekend, but forgot and didn't. I recently watched A Star Is Born, one of her favs, but never got to talk to her about it.

I think the message being, if you think of someone or miss them.. send the text, make the call, the email, the snap, the dm. Tell them. Because life is TOO short! ❤

Please zoom in to read & please share her freaking awesome obituary she wrote. YOU'RE MY HERO! 💚

I've struggled

every day since July 10th 2019. 

Grieving my Auntie has been the hardest thing I have ever done.

and I have been through A LOT in 28 years!

She is 20 years older than me. She lived 48 years. She is so young and full of life.
She was trapped in a broken body. I can't help but wonder where she is now.

I still feel her. It's my worst nightmare now a reality.
Moving away my biggest fear was something happening to her.

I have a few regrets that I am dealing with. I know she holds none of these against me so why do I do this to myself? Have regrets? I remember thinking one day I wanted to call her, I didn't. The next day I took a photo I meant to send her, I never sent it.

One thing I am not good about and I am now working on 28 years too late is communication. I thought of Auntie every day. I hope she knows. I love her more than words. I hope she knows.

I think one of the hardest things is knowing my girls will not really remember her
like I will. They point her out in pictures and I know they remember her now. I wish they could have experienced the Auntie she truly was. She has so many lessons.

She is like my mother. She knew her place well as an Aunt though. Never over stepping but always being there no matter what.

I feel as though she lives on through me. Getting back to my happy place has been easier said than done and for that I am still struggling.

RIP Auntie<3 p="">

New Year, New Me!

Okay okay! I know that saying is so cliche but in this case it's 100% true!

2019 has been a great one so far.
We have done so many fun things.
We have a lot of hard times ahead
but I know we will get through them.

Danny and us girls are STRONG!

A few things that I am working on are..
Eating healthier
Exercising at least 5 times a week
At least 10K steps a day
No alcohol for 60 days
Mindset Reset.. being more positive.

So far I am kicking a** and taking names! 

Charlie has begun her serial casting this week. She is handling it like a champ. Her first surgery is Feb 6th and the second is Feb 20th. I am looking forward to getting these done and behind us.
I am ready to focus on her recovery and her physical therapy.

I am completely loving Florida! I never want to leave.
It has been odd not knowing what our future holds for us.
Not knowing where we will end up.
But it has also made life exciting.

Love Always,
Kristin

let it out.

You know what is hard? Feeling.

It is been months since I felt like me. Looking back now I don't even remember what it is like to even be myself, my true self, the person I long for yet hardly know.

I keep looking for signs to point me to where I need to go.
They have yet to find me.

Ever since I can remember I have ALWAYS been inside my head. The only feelings I ever show to the world are happy ones. Positive ones. On the outside I seem to have it all figured out, I am happy, and I hide every other feeling inside.. WHY?! Why why why! Your guess is as good as mine. If you for some reason know why this to be true, please enlighten me!

I am going to get real deep here so bare with me.
I came across this quote today and it hit me. This is me.

"Sometimes you can get so busy being everyone else's anchor 

that you don't realize you are actually drowning."

Why do I always feel like I need to help everyone else but myself? Seriously. Since becoming a mom and wife, I have lost my total identity. Now please don't think that I hate being both of those things because I don't. I absolutely love it. It isn't even fair that I have to make that a point but for some reason I feel like I need to clarify that. I love my family more than anything and if it wasn't for them, I would be even more lost than I am now. 

I have heard that showing your emotions is a sign of strength so how can I get myself there? How can I teach myself this? I am almost 27 years old. I have been living this way my whole life. Old habits die hard. 

My soul is deep. I feel a million different emotions all at once. Most of the time they are un-explainable. Deep down I feel like I have this purpose but I can't put a finger on what that purpose is. And because I have no idea what my purpose is, I question everything about myself and situation. 

Why this ..

Why that.. 

What if..

I think that is my anxiety talking. I have learned to deal with my anxiety all my life until recently. It has gotten so bad that I don't even want to leave the house. All the what if's.. This is no way to live. I feel for everyone who has been here or struggled with any kind of mental illness. 

I come to this blog when I am struggling the most in life. Once I let this all out I feel like I can breathe again. As if I have been holding my breath this whole time.

Love Always,

Kristin 

The two C's..

Clutter & Children..

For me the combination and meaning of the two are ANXIETY! I have struggled with anxiety my whole life. Now as an adult I am better about how to use it to my advantage.
I remember as a new mom I always asked other moms, "what do you do will all the toys? I just can't have them everywhere in my home." Lots laughed and said something along the lines as, "Welcome to parenthood." or "You will get used to it. The new normal." In the back of my mind I kept thinking.. No, there has got to be a way. And BAM here I am writing this blog! 

My children are 2 & 1 and we already have TOO MUCH STUFF!
If we keep this up, can you imagine what our home and playroom will look like?
It honestly is sickening to think about.

If you haven't noticed I have been OBSESSED with The Minimalists! 
A good friend of mine introduced me to them at the best time in my life. I have been going through something I have never done before.. downgrading! All my life I have always wanted the newest thing, the bigger house, the bigger car, etc. I was always feeding the greediness in me. One day, I woke up and realized where I was and how I wasn't happy. Even when I have everything I have ever wanted and dreamed about. I was not happy with it all! I starting thinking back on my life to see where it all went wrong and I pin pointed a few different instances on where I had gone wrong. I am so grateful for where I am but in all honesty I know what we are doing as a family is only going to benefit our family in the best most amazing ways!

Why should we let go of materialistic gifts?

• It is in the way.
• Less clutter, more space.
• Kids are watching us, if we need the newest phone, TV, clothing etc.. Children too become to need or long for the newest toy, game, etc. Practice what you preach! (My BIGGEST weakness that I have been working on.)
• Happier more productive life.
• Material things will not make your child a better person. 

Read this short essay on Letting Go of Physical Gifts! If you need more insight on this topic. http://www.theminimalists.com/gifts/ because our family is and will be living this for the rest of our lives. My children of course may head a different direction if they choose but that will not stop me from teaching and showing them my beliefs. 

That essay and this podcast is so eye opening. So to all our family and friends, if you are reading this, please gift us experiences. Whether that be a night on the town, a mini trip, staycation, or something as simple as having us over for a meal. Time with you is all we need. In fact we love you more than any gift you could ever give us! Life is short. We want to get out and spend time with those who mean the world to us. We love you all and thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Santa has Christmas covered this year and every year after that. Give our girls experiences and their parents will love you even more than we already do. If you do happen to purchase them something, please do not be offended if we donate it after it has been played with. We say these things in the nicest way. 

"The rules of parents are but three.. Love, limit, and let them be."

Love Always, 
The Moyes Family 

Your Favorite Trees..

My all time favorite tree in the whole wide world is....

A Weeping Willow!

Here is why..

"Green, like the leaves on the branches, symbolizes nature, fertility, and life. 
It also represents balance, learning, growth and harmony. 
Our image of the willow tree represents the strength, stability and structure of the trunk, standing firm and withstanding the greatest of challenges."

Exactly.. what is your favorite tree?
Palm Tree is in 2nd place! 🌴