I am now 20 years old and it feels great. I was nervous about turning twenty but I think this year is easily going to be the best year of my life. It's exciting knowing this. I feel calm and at ease with whatever comes my way. I've never felt this sense of calm. My whole life I've been overcome by anxiety of things that I will never hold the power to. I've tried to take control of too many situations and I've exhausted myself in the process. I am fed up with that state of mind I've been living in the past 20 years. It's time for things to change drastically, and they already have. I honestly can't explain what has gotten me to this point but to be honest, it feels amazing. Enough with that. Valentine's Day was yesterday. I LOVE Valentine's Day! I think it has a point, I notice a lot of people always hating it or thinking it is stupid. Why do we need a day to remember love and to do something nice for our loved one, shouldn't that be every day? I think we should consider this everyday and treat everyday like it's Valentine's Day but we are human and we don't, leaving Valentine's Day special and romantic. We are busy and sometimes don't give our loved ones the time they really deserve. That is why Valentine's Day is necessary. For all of you who HATE Valentine's Day and think it is unnecessary, or dumb, "realizing I'm single day." You are wrong. That is a reason you are probably still single. You obviously aren't happy with yourself. You think you are mature for love, but you are not. What ever happened to being happy for others and realizing that your day might come too when you can enjoy Valentines Day with your lover. Once you have someone are you still going to hate Valentines Day? I highly doubt it. So in conclusion, be happy for others in love. As we all know, it's not easy. Be happy for those who have worked hard for something they have. Have hope and know that one day it will happen for you too. There is no rush to fall in love. When the time is right you will have it. I was a little taken back with people's negative posts on FB. Again, FB.. I should seriously delete it but I find it a great way for communication, in a way. I am not very confrontational that is why I post something here and not there, because I feel safer here. Now on to my birthday and my Valentine's Day. I love that Danny says, "it's your birthday before Valentine's Day. It makes me feel special. I am literally his Valentine. My birthday started off as any regular day, D and I got up sorta early but slept in a little. I was craving McDonalds breakfast so he went and got us that. After we ate we got ready for the day and had some errands we needed to run. First we went to Petsmart to buy things for my bunnies, then we went to Home Depot for some things for the house. After that we drove down to Salt Lake to meet the guy with my baby bunnies, he was so cute and nice and I enjoyed talking to him. Oh on the way chemo kicked back in and I got sick :/ When we arrived home with them we were in such awe we didn't know what to do. First of all they are tiny! Little little. They were so much littler that we thought, they are also so soft and furry. They look fake. It's really amazing to hold something that small and cute. We let them jump around the backyard until one of them jumped through the fence into the neighbors yard, luckily we got it before anything worse could happen. That was the scariest moment ever, we live on a busy street and they are very fast for how little they are, anything could have happened. So my day was going great other than being sick the rest of the day. Danny got me OTH season 6&7 and my bunnies. I had a great birthday. For dinner I decided I wanted to BBQ because it was SO nice and you don't get to do that often in Utah especially in February on my birthday, I've always wanted a summer birthday. Danny made him and I bacon cheese burgers, with bbq sauce. They were so yummy! We sat outside our backyard and ate and I asked him, "How many other couples do you think are eating hamburgers in their backyard? Usually on V-day you want to be all dressed up and go out to eat somewhere expensive." He agreed and we laughed. But honestly, there is nothing I would have wanted to do more. I was so happy just to be with him. We don't have to do anything too expensive or out of the ordinary. I was just happy to be with him and spend time with him. After dinner the doorbell rang. Danny went to get it while I cleaned up. He came in with a box from UPS, it was addressed to me, I was thinking cool, maybe it's my OTH. I asked him what it was and he wasn't sure but he had a huge grin on his face. I kept saying OTH can't be that big. When he finally got it open I saw a dozen red roses, a box of chocolates, and some lavender bath soap. I was so excited and surprised I kept asking who it was from. I got the card out and read the name at the bottom and it was from Danny. I looked at him smiling and in disbelief, I probably hurt his feelings. I've mentioned before that he is not the most thoughtful person. So I was very taken back and excited that he actually did something for my birthday. I kept telling him thank you and how much I loved what he did. Here I was after dinner thinking I had already got my presents and my birthday was coming to an end and these show up. I am so hard to surprise because I am up in every one's business. But he did it. He surprised me for the first time in my life. I was the happiest girl in that moment. I love you DFM. Thank you for making me feel special every day. I had the best birthday and Valentine's Day ever. One thing I have been really considering doing is now that I am 20, I want to try not to consume any alcohol until I am 21. I think this would be a great challenge and worth doing. Also very hard because I have not drank for awhile now since I was diagnosed. I will be in remission in a month and at my cancer free party, I will be tempted. I want to use my self control. If I have any. I hate giving up on things so I think I am going to try and stick with it no matter what. My 21 experience will be something fun worth remembering. Who knows, I might not miss it at all and I will realize that. Best wishes to me.
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