the wish list

be there for a baby's first step..

acknowledge my weaknesses..

find inner peace.. ✓

build my own furniture..

be bald for a day.. ✓

witness a miracle..

teach a dog a trick.. ✓

keep exotic tropical fish..

fall in love with the right person at the right time.. ✓

learn sing language.. ✓

milk a cow..

be a mom..

swim with a dolphin..

save a life..

teach a child to ride a bike..

own a cockatoo..

decorate a nursery..

learn patience..

cook pasta that's al dente..

donate my hair to locks of love..

stop being judgmental..

celebrate mardi gras in New Orleans..

order milk at a bar..

teach a child the alphabet..

give my spouse all I can give..

sew a handmade doll..

volunteer at a hospital..

attend a super bowl..

recite vows..

see the Eiffel Tower..

start a hope chest.. ✓

drink a bottle of wine that's older than I am..

break a bad habit..

learn to prepare sushi..

be happy with the way I look..

admit that I like Spam.. ✓

tour Italy on a Vespa..

keep a goldfish alive for a year.. ✓

lose twenty pounds..

plant a garden..

breed your dog to have a litter of puppies..

wear a wig..

receive a kitten..

visit a lighthouse..

have fresh roses on the table all summer long..

be a princess for a day.. ✓

over tip.. ✓

Music has the ability to change my mood.

Exchanging Beauty For The Ashes
Given My Heart To Nothing Real
I've Given My Heart Away
To So Many Things
So Many Times I've Failed
Help Me Stop This Endless Cycle

Remind Me Of How It Can Be

Take Me Back I Surrender All
Without You My Heart Is Broken

I Never Should Have Let You Go
I Never Should Have Let You Slip Through My Arms

I Never Should Have Let You Go
I Never Should Have Let You Slip Through My Arms

As The Sun Sets Tonight
I'll Hold You With All That I Am
I Never Should Have Let You Go
Promise Me You'll Stay With Me Forever
Forever

Forgive Me
For Running So Quickly To The Outside

You made a rebel of a careless mans, careful daughter.

You are the best thing that's ever been mine..

It's you.

Hopefulness

I've worked up the courage to shave my head. Once I start to feel better, it's gone. This week, it's gone. I am not really sure how I have kept it so long. I am to the point where I don't even want to do my hair. I hardly want to take a shower because it's constantly falling out, everywhere. It's going to be a relieve once it's gone. I can hardly wait now that I have made up my mind. Chemotherapy number five has been, not a piece of cake. I can tell that each treatment is only going to get worse from here. I'm literally exhausted. I am constantly nauseous. That is what I hate the most. But I have some good news.. Thursday I have my petscan and Dr. Hansen is expecting the cancer to be totally gone. GONE! Back to normal. (: I hope he is right. I will still continue to do seven more chemotherapy's, to hopefully get rid of the cancer forever..

I hope. I pray.

I hope I only have to do this once. Please please! Once is enough, right. I'm ready to get back to my normal life. I can't wait to wake up healthy again. Normal. It's exciting to think about. Something I always used to take for granted; my health. I would wake up and complain about something I had to do that day but why? I should be waking up thankful to be alive. To be healthy. I've learned my lesson. I can't wait to wake up healthy.

xoxox

"The way to find out about your happiness is to keep your mind on those moments when you really ARE happy- not excited, not just thrilled, but deeply happy. This requires a little bit of self-analysis. What is it that makes you happy? Stay with it, no matter what people tell you. This is what I call, 'Following Your Bliss.' If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you. And the life that you ought to be living, is the one you ARE living. Wherever you are, if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open doors for you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be."

December

It's officially December and I couldn't be happier. I love the cool crisp air outside. Snow makes everything prettier. Christmas lights are my absolute favorite. I love being cozy and warm inside my apartment. Danny and I have already bought us our Christmas presents. We can NEVER wait until Christmas day, I kinda hate it. We bought a fake fireplace that puts off heat, for our living room. It's really cool. I mainly wanted this to heat up our living room and for Sophie. Sophie loves laying by the fireplace so hopefully her and Luke will take over the fireplace so I can have my electric blanket back! (They took that over the day my friends gave it to me) Spoiled. Danny wants a new phone. The Mytouch 4g. I am getting him that. And I wanted a hope chest. It's gorgeous. It's white. When I get it in the mail I will post pictures. I wanted a hope chest to put all my meaningful things in it. So I will have a place for just me. And so nothing will get ruined. It is something special to me. One day I will be able to pass it down to my kids and grandkids. I love having things like that. So we're not left out on Christmas day, Danny and I decided we're going to fill each other's stockings with little things. Stuff we know each other like. I am excited to see what Danny fills mine with. I will get an understanding of what he thinks I like. I think it will be fun. There are presents under the tree for guess who.. The dogs. Danny at first hated the idea but the other day I heard him say, "the dogs are going to have a good Christmas." I may be crazy for buying presents for my dogs but they are my babies and I want them to have a good Christmas. I got most of their stuff half off on Black Friday. BaxterBoo is my favorite online dog store. They had a bunch of sales so I got a lot of stuff for cheap. I was happy. Also my family and I have been putting together a few gift baskets for The American Cancer Society. Like the one I received when I was first diagnosed. I can't wait to donate them. I will feel good knowing I did something to make someone else happy. I cannot wait until Christmas, I can't believe how close it is. It truly is the best time of the year.

xoxox