Results

I probably won't know my results until April 7th. I know it's kind of far away. 

I don't want the news over the phone and Dr. Hansen is always super busy so my next appointment is then. I want to see what he has to say and where to go from there.

 I want everything done in person, more intimately. I will keep everyone posted once I find out. 

Let the diet begin!

This morning I woke up with some motivation to start eating more healthy. This rarely happens so I thought I might as well go with it because I keep putting it off. I thought this would be the perfect time because Danny is out of town and he needs a little more convincing on eating healthy so maybe once he sees that I have bee doing great with it and keeping up he will become more motivated. Yesterday I ate nothing but yummy fatty junk. My body is not happy. I ended up doing nothing last night because I fell asleep so early. This rarely happens but I think it's just what I needed. I am also getting sick so this doesn't help much either. Anyway this morning for breakfast I had egg whites and vegetables.. (green and red peppers and broccoli.) Instead of butter I used a teaspoon of olive oil so everything wouldn't stick to the pan. I love butter and salt so usually I would of drenched it with those unhealthy things but this time I had to make myself not. It was really hard. It was actually really good and after eating I felt healthy instead of stuffed like I usually do. My main goal is to stay away from sugars and carbs and also fatty things like butter. Right now I weigh 135 and I really want to be at 115. My goal is to lose that by the end of August maybe even sooner. I want to start going to the gym regularly I have just been lazy lately. My goal is to start going after work next week because I have a pass to Lady Fitness right now. I'll let you know how things go. Thanks for reading! Happy Dieting! 

Bad vibes

I had my pet scan today, I was happy and excited going there but once I got there it felt like everything was going wrong. After I drank that yucky dye I was relaxing for about an hour and the nurse came in and said that the computers were down so it was going to be another 30 minutes. By this time I had to pee really bad and I knew I wouldn't be able to go until after the scan. Finally another hour goes by they are ready so as I am in the machine my head starts to hurt really bad. I thought my brain was going to explode. I started getting nervous and anxious. I started sweating and getting really hot. (I am very claustrophobic) Finally after 40 minutes it was over. I ran into the hospital to pee then back into my car when I started feeling sick. Luckily I had a chick fil a cup in there, I puked my guts out for 10 minutes. For some reason every time after I get a pet scan I get sick. I hate it because its literally the worst feeling ever. I got myself home and laid in bed until Danny came home for lunch, and left and now I am here blogging about my horrible day.
I was happy to see that Kendra posted something new so I read it and fell in love because I love the way she writes. I can relate to her, I love that the most. She totally understands me and I understand her. I can't wait to see her tomorrow!
Danny is leaving tomorrow with his brother and dad, not sure where really. I am going to miss him but I feel like I am ready to just hang out with my girlfriends for once. Last weekend was a lot of fun that I just want to do it again.

Questions

I stole this from Kendra.. (: Hope you don't mind.

If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

Wish #1: A cure for cancer.

Wish #2: No more homeless animals.

Wish #3: No more abuse in any form. Animal, child, etc..

Have you ever been to a hospital? Why? 

Yes, shots, surgeries, petscans, xrays, chemotherapy..

What makes you a good person?

I am very understanding.

What is your worst weakness?

Needing someone to love me.

What is your biggest fear or worry? 

Cancer coming back. Not being able to have babies.

What do you do when you are driving alone in a car?

Turn up my music and sing!

Describe a vivid dream you have had.

Lately I have been having a lot of dreams about having hair again. :(

Who was your favorite kiss and what was it like?

My favorite kiss was my first kiss with Danny. It was gentle and meaningful.

What is going on today in the world that affects you the most?

Money!

When you are in trouble, whom do you call for help?

Danny.

Has anyone close to you passed away? Explain how you felt.

No.. I would like to keep it that way.

What is something you have always wanted to ask someone but never did? 

Why would you do that to me?

What are most proud of?

Surviving Cancer!

Who is one friend from your past you want to reconnect with?

Jen, I would like to see what she is up to now.

Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best?
Being diagnosed with cancer.

When was the last time you were nervous?

Today.

The best part of waking up is?

The unknown of what will happen that day.

What’s the best/worst gift you’ve ever received?

Best would be my Tiffany's necklace I got from family in Cali.

Worst, there is nothing I can think of.

What did you do growing up that got you into trouble?

Sneaking out with Hannah and Danny to go pick up Christian. Ended up with a curfew ticket, all because Danny wanted a slurpee from 7 eleven. 

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done?

Chemotherapy

If you could learn to do anything, what would it be?

Learn to play the piano.

What sound do you love?

Silence. Danny breathing. Or sounds from outside.

What was your favorite food when you were a child?

Bean and cheese burritos

What is the craziest thing you've ever done?

Survived chemotherapy.

Who is your celebirty crush?

Michael Ealy.

What do you think about before falling asleep?

How lucky I am.

What are your Sundays like?

Relaxing.

What were you doing the last time you had a good laugh?

Laughing at Danny. He always makes me laugh.

Happiest childhood memory?

Ariel having puppies!

Back to life

I haven't been on FB or Twitter for a week now, at first it was hard to pull myself away from it just because I am so used to getting on there whenever I am on my computer. And all the time on my phone. I uninstalled the apps from my phone so I don't get notifications or have to urge just to check it. I love life without those two things. I feel not apart of the social world right now and it feels great. I can't believe I have gone a week but its so worth it. I want to go even longer. I took up Foursquare, which is a social network, but since no one really has it.. yet, I enjoy it. It's fun. I am also so addicted to Words With Friends. I got Danny, Ian, and Tawnee addicted so I am happy that I have people who are literally playing me all through out the day.
Tomorrow I have my petscan. I am so happy and nervous all at the same time. It's weird that I won't be going to chemo tomorrow but I think I will be fine without it. I hope I am in remission. I can't wait to hear what Dr. Hansen thinks. I want to know where I go from here.
Maddy's vet appointment went really well yesterday. They think she might have type 3 diabetes which basically means that the diabetes might have went away. They never talk about type 3 because it is so rare. Our vet has only seen it in one other dog, which was a yellow lab like Mad. It would be crazy if Mad was one in a million. We are kinda hoping for this because insulin, syringes, and her diabetic dog food is REALLY expensive. It would be nice to use that money for others things. Either way, I just want her healthy. They are supposed to call me today with the news.
I am scheduled to work next week. I am so excited. I am started to get really bored being home all the time. Especially now that I am feeling great all day everyday. It's exciting to get back to my normal life. I am also really scared though because I don't know what I want to do about school. It's really stressing me out lately.

You get what you give

Watching all the stories and what's going on with Japan I've realized so many things. One big thing is that materialistic things don't matter. None of it. In a flash it could all be gone. But what you will have are relationships. Relationships with people. Friendships. Love. To me, love is the only thing that matters. Watching everyones belongings and cars being taken away is heartbreaking. It's hard to watch. But we can all take something from this experience and it's that materialistic things don't matter. Lets put more effort into our relationships. I dislike money being such a huge part of peoples lives. I get that money is necessary to live but something I strongly believe in, is it's better to give and give and give then get and get and get. Getting is great but giving is even better. I sometimes selfishly only think of myself but why, there are so many others to care and think about. I'm not as important as I sometimes think. I want to become more selfless. I know I am in some ways because Danny tells me all the time but I want to do more things for other people. I find enjoyment in that.

Love always, Kristin

Do you ever..

Just drive with the intentions of going nowhere. It's sorta like I am trying to escape reality, but in reality, there is no where to go other than back.
Also, whenever I am driving, I am always wondering where everyone is going. Sometimes I will look at people and cars and try to guess where they are headed.

Love Always, Kristin

Back to reality

My life is finally back to normal. Well almost. I will back on the schedule at Boston's in a few weeks. I am really excited to get back to the real world and making money. I went in there yesterday and I was so happy to see my coworkers and my managers. I have missed them so much. I can't believe I am finally done with chemo and that it's been 6 months already. Time really does fly. 
One reason I haven't been posting on here as recently is because I have started a new blog. I needed a clean slate. A fresh start. So if you would like to follow my other blog, contact me with your email and I would be happy to include you in my new blog. (Most of you) (: 

Tomorrow Danny and I are having some friends over and I am really excited. It's going to be a lot of fun catching up and just having a good time. I have a lot to do before then. Hopefully I can get everything done in time.

I am taking a break from FB and Twitter. I get too caught up in others lives when I need to get caught up in my own more. I really just want to delete it but I know that in the future I will probably want it back to keep in touch with family and friends that I no longer get to see. That is the main reason I don't. 

Next week we are finally going to finish painting the house. I am so excited. It's going to look SO MUCH BETTER then how it is now. Everything is all white and wallpapered. It's a bore. There are a lot of things we need to get for this house and I can't help but be in a hurry to get it all. Too bad money doesn't grow on trees.

The end of April I am going on a remission trip with Danny. Just to St. George to his mom's condo but it will still be so much fun. Funny thing is, that is where I went right before I found out I had cancer. Kinda weird and brings back a lot of memories. 

Other than that I am happy and healthy, I think. I have my petscan next Thursday. Once those results come back I will know whether or not I am in remission. But for some reason I can't help but think I am. I feel great. Better than ever. I can't wait to hear that good news I've been waiting to hear for 6 months now. I will go crazy until then.

Thanks for reading.

Love always, Kristin

Dear readers

I am finished with chemotherapy as of now. I have my petscan on the 24th. The results of the petscan will then tell me whether or not I am in remission. I have a feeling that I already am in remission. But I am very anxious to see the results. My next appointment with Dr. Hansen is April 7. I can't wait to see what he says, and what the next step will be. My portacath has been bugging me. It has moved, most likely over a nerve. So hopefully I will be getting it out so I am able to use my left arm. I will keep you all updated. Thanks for reading.
Love always, Kristin

Due

I'm due for a venting session. I am going mad broke. I need to start working again. I am starting to have to rely on Danny's paycheck and I hate that because he deserves his money even though we consider it our money. I know he is happy to help but I feel too dependent on someone. I hate that feeling. Almost done with chemotherapy, thank goodness because I NEED to get back on my own two feet and be stable again. I've been thinking about going on a trip somewhere once I am done with chemo. Somewhere warm and relaxing but also cheap and something we can afford. I need to get away, clear my head, and relax. I need some mental stability. I am due for a vacation with Danny. Lately I have been worried about school. I know I want to go back in the fall but I still have no idea what I want to do. I think about it every day and I still don't have an answer. I haven't really found something I am that passionate about, that I can see myself doing every day for the rest of my life. I am due for some advice. I feel like the possibilities are endless now that I won't have chemotherapy anymore. I am starting to get anxious about getting married and starting a family. I know Danny is going to pop the question sometime before the fall. I hope he does. I am due for some lecturing. I know I need to get a career and finish school before I become a mother. It would be the smartest thing. But why do I have to wait for the things I want most. I can't shake the thought that life is short. Especially with all that has been going on with me and my body. Once I hit that one year mark in remission I want to have a baby. What if the cancer does come back. I will have to wait another two years. And I don't think I can wait that long to see if it's possible that I can get pregnant. I feel kinda of depressed when people tell me I need to wait to have a baby because I feel like they are saying I won't make a good mother yet. It's my life and I feel ready. I am more selfless than I have ever been. I need to stop listening to other people's opinions. I am a big girl and so is Danny. We will always make the right decisions for us and our future family. Shouldn't that be enough for people. I am really due for some advice. Soon I want to see a doctor about my anxiety. I need some medication and some kind of talking to. I need a way of coping. I am settling with too many things in life and I don't know why. Don't I deserve the best, I am sick of settling. I feel a little different today. Anyway, thanks for listening.