Due

I'm due for a venting session. I am going mad broke. I need to start working again. I am starting to have to rely on Danny's paycheck and I hate that because he deserves his money even though we consider it our money. I know he is happy to help but I feel too dependent on someone. I hate that feeling. Almost done with chemotherapy, thank goodness because I NEED to get back on my own two feet and be stable again. I've been thinking about going on a trip somewhere once I am done with chemo. Somewhere warm and relaxing but also cheap and something we can afford. I need to get away, clear my head, and relax. I need some mental stability. I am due for a vacation with Danny. Lately I have been worried about school. I know I want to go back in the fall but I still have no idea what I want to do. I think about it every day and I still don't have an answer. I haven't really found something I am that passionate about, that I can see myself doing every day for the rest of my life. I am due for some advice. I feel like the possibilities are endless now that I won't have chemotherapy anymore. I am starting to get anxious about getting married and starting a family. I know Danny is going to pop the question sometime before the fall. I hope he does. I am due for some lecturing. I know I need to get a career and finish school before I become a mother. It would be the smartest thing. But why do I have to wait for the things I want most. I can't shake the thought that life is short. Especially with all that has been going on with me and my body. Once I hit that one year mark in remission I want to have a baby. What if the cancer does come back. I will have to wait another two years. And I don't think I can wait that long to see if it's possible that I can get pregnant. I feel kinda of depressed when people tell me I need to wait to have a baby because I feel like they are saying I won't make a good mother yet. It's my life and I feel ready. I am more selfless than I have ever been. I need to stop listening to other people's opinions. I am a big girl and so is Danny. We will always make the right decisions for us and our future family. Shouldn't that be enough for people. I am really due for some advice. Soon I want to see a doctor about my anxiety. I need some medication and some kind of talking to. I need a way of coping. I am settling with too many things in life and I don't know why. Don't I deserve the best, I am sick of settling. I feel a little different today. Anyway, thanks for listening.