I don't want to go to chemo tomorrow.
I know I am being a baby, but I feel so great,
I don't want to go back. I am so lucky to have chemotherapy working.
I could be like someone else and not have it work. I am so happy it's working but I still do not want to go back.
I hear people tell me, "It's down hill from here Kristin." "Only 6 more to go." "You are so lucky." "You think you've got it bad.."
Now all these things are true. But I can feel how I feel. I don't want to go.
It's easier said then done. You aren't the one sitting in that chair letting poisons invade your body. So you have no room to talk. My dad and sister are taking me to chemo tomorrow. I am happy for them to come. This will be my sisters first time coming to chemo.
I am sad that D will be missing this one, he has to work. I told him it doesn't bother me, but it sort of does.
I feel better venting.
Sorry for all the negativity.
xoxox
It's better to let the negativity out then keep it in and let it try to take over you inside. You are doing so good Kristin. I think about you everyday! Hope all is going well. Good luck with Chemo tomorrow. If you need anything be sure to let me know.
ReplyDeleteLove, Kendra
You can be pissed. You can be mad. You can hate chemo. You can feel like crap. You can complain. You can sleep all you want. You can wallow. You can be depressed. You can feel sorry for yourself. Not many will understand. Yah, it can be worse, but not much worse. This IS worse. People are just trying to positive, keep you going, but you know that. However, it doesn't change all that I said above. You don't have to pretend. You don't have to be positive all the time. You don't have to be happy all the time. You have life's permission to do whatever the hell you want...it will be over, and then you can be positive and thankful that it's all over! I love you. Auntie
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome to bitch anytime. Cancer isn't easy on anyone. You are handling it with such grace and strength. You're amazing. I love you.
ReplyDelete