3 down, 13 to go..

I had my 3rd chemo treatment Thursday. It was nice seeing all my chemo friends. They are always so sweet and ask how I am doing. There was a new guy in there who had Hodgkin's Lymphoma 10 years ago and now he has Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. That scared me. For his and my sake. Maybe I am getting a little ahead of myself but I can't help it. I hope and pray I only have to do this once. I am feeling a little angry today. Not because I have to go through this, but because so many people have to. It's not fair in my mind. It's unreal. I wish there were something I could do. I wish I could fight everyone's cancer for them. I know I am strong and I don't think it's fair so many people have to go through this yucky feeling. I admire everyone and their strength. Before this, I never really knew anything about Cancer. I knew my aunt went through it at 21 but to truly understand what she went through, I am going through. That is in my mind the only way anyone could ever possibly know how it feels. I also feel lucky to have this experience. I never knew I could be so strong.

Every muscle in my body is sore. The worst is my throat. It's so sore that I can't swallow. The only craving I have is for sushi. Shrimp was the new craving today. Not sure why. I wonder if other cancer patients crave certain things. I have a hard time sleeping at night. Last night I was up at 3am and couldn't fall asleep until 7am. Then I slept until 12pm. Thank goodness Danny comes home for lunch so he can take my babies potty. I also feel bad for their sake. I know they are just dogs but all they do is lay with me all day. I feel bad I don't have the energy to take them for a walk. I hope they understand. Luke is oblivious but Soph knows. She knows when I am sad and not feeling well. She will come cheer me up and lick my tears. I love it. She is so smart. It's truly amazing how nurturing animals really are. I am lucky to have them. My hair is still thinning. No chunks coming out yet. I am sort of ready to lose it just because when I don't feel good, the last thing I want to do is do my hair. Everyone thinks that losing your hair is the worst part about cancer. But in all honesty, why? It's just hair. It will come back. This post has been an outburst of all the feelings I have been feeling. This is why I love my blog so much.. To get it all out. Now I can breathe.