The Unknown

I don't want to fall asleep because when I wake up that means it's time for chemotherapy.

I am constantly trying to eat my cravings away because I won't have cravings much longer.

No wonder I am gaining weight.. 

I keep telling myself I will be able to work it off once I am better. It's easier said then done. 

I hate dreading to wake up tomorrow but I can't blame myself. 

I keep praying that I'll only have to do this once. 

I love the unknown, but not this unknown. 

Even if it were to come back I wouldn't care just as long as God could give me a sign. 

I don't think that would happen but I still search. 

I've always wondered why he picked me or if he even had a say. 

Even though I would pick myself over anyone else and I have never been upset with him for choosing me, I just wonder if he had a choosing and why it was me. 

I am probably being selfish, it could be worse. 

I've never wanted something so badly then to just be better. 

I will never take a feel good day for granted again after this. 

I hope once I am through with my treatments I never have to look back. 

I want to move forward. With life and everything it has in store for me. 

At the end of the day I am grateful. 

For everything I have. I hope I remain the same person I am today for the rest of my life.

 I hope I never forget what made me who I am. 

xoxox